Back to Basics

Events, ideas, circumstances and situations...

All aspects of my life I have classified in different shades of gray adjust my past history, are the process come same deshacer.Yo I have compiled these observations of my life and so far I see mostly does not serve me forward.

My life is colourful.

"I forget this, as the days pass and memories fade; my life into fragments of time very similar to a photograph in black and white."

Frozen.

Unchanged.

Colorless.

I forgot that I have an option available to me in every second to write my future allowing me to write my past.This does not mean to convince myself that I have lived another life, then that I've experienced thus far... instead of this, I experience life I feel I lost somehow to discover that it is allowing that you there...

Here...

Now...

Today.

I was camping this weekend past with one of my sisters, my brother, my brother in law and my nieces and sobrinos.Tengo thirty-three years and this was the first time since I'm about 8 that I've been on any kind of family "on holiday".

My parents weren't with us, my other sister wasn't able to go to your cancer treatment, and my other brother in law could not get the time to come with us.We had a great mis-mash of odds and ends... coming together in spite of everything what was missing to create a new definition of...

We returned to the basics... and rebuilt, and then create a new definition of family.

I always felt a little deluded not grow up as they did for other personas.Mi House was not one to bring outsiders; for fear that my father would have a crisis nerviosa.Mi mother was so absorbed in the maintenance of the together fragments of my father often not she was capable of providing all of its own us form me even if she was going to.

My family did not reflect anything close to families of sparkling white toothpaste that decorated the night television smile.

My family was real.

We fought, we have had problems, we have had the disease, we have had near death, we were sad, had anger, we were laughing, we have fun... we had everything what I now understand defines a family.

We love.

All members of my family are held in my sanity, carefully not to miss the latest mental strands which hung to as descends deeper and deeper in my addiction to heroin of the years. always than the race of my family my help to my mental illness to help me dig out of desperate depression I would encounter buried because of low.

Everyone ran to my sisters help when his perfect life image, automatic lawn and white picket fence do not already maintain parts of his sanity juntos.Todos took us another look our piece of the puzzle family when my other sister was diagnosed with breast cancer this past November.

I think that the biggest fight in this life is coming to an agreement with the reality that with everything that I know, all I think that I know... everything really equals nada.Los memories of my life that I hung me stuck in realities that they were created to be kept.

Colorless.

That do not change.

Frozen.

Life is not like que.Mi life isn't así.Mi life has never been the case.

However, sometimes still lose myself in beliefs, the past is the past and cannot deshacer.Una of faulty beliefs that obviously still resides inside of me, in spite of the volumes of the truth that this belief are dispersed.

At the end of this weekend as we cleaned acribilladas... children keep themselves occupied by creating a talent show.

With a picnic table, a CD player and a CD of Hanna Montana.Ellos shattered beliefs clung to in what refers to my past.

My 6 year old Madyson niece.

My 4 year old Penelope niece.

My 5 year old James nephew.

By around awkwardly at the top of the picnic table, move and themselves shaking to the rhythm of the best they could without sense of the ritmo.Gritando, laughing, smiling and singing along with Hanna Montana at the tops of their lungs...

".. ."best of both worlds..."

Echoing in that fills the area camping pine trees.

All sat in chairs in front of the table picnicking, clapping and them encouraging en.Mis eyes full of tears in the absolute beauty in time to realize how lucky that he was.

Blessed how was.

I finally came to understand that frozen black and white photos of my family that held in my memories did not accommodate to help me rebuild life that I have chosen to live now.

That is what missed me... that is what I could never encontrar.Yo was so consumed with what my family was not never had an understanding of what was my family.

Changing... colorful display of our brightly wrapped in a rainbow of Love lives.